One of my followers on Instagram said "I know you don't know me, but I think it's really awesome how you're expressing yourself, and I totally support everything you're doing." How lovely! It totally made my day.
Continue when things are so hard. Continue to find happiness in life.
My sister said I look so pale. I've never felt so sick in my life.
When everything is not going well, when I feel like I have nothing to offer, when sickness takes over my life, after all my family is there for me. I feel so messed up but they support me. I so wish to get better.
I have more nightmares now. I've read these kind of books to help me to recover but I still have flashbacks and I still shake a lot when I remember the abusive relationships I had. I really hope this book will help me.
Next month, on the 16th is the day you were supposed to be born. My due date...the day I was supposed to hold you and tell you "Happy Birthday." I will always wonder who you would have been. Do you have mummy's smile? Have a small nose like mummy?
It's so hard to see pregnant ladies. I'm not going to lie...I can't stop thinking "Why she was able to have her baby and I was not?" When I see ladies with babies, I wonder where is my baby. I know she is in heaven but the longings I have is overwhelming. I don't think there was a single day that I didn't think about her ever since I've lose her. I still remember her eyes, fingers and feet. So tiny yet so beautiful. I didn't get to hear the heartbeat. I didn't have any ultrasound pictures. I still regret why I said no to the doctor's offer when he first wanted to check and see if I was pregnant. If I have said yes, then I would have listened to your heartbeat and have the picture of you.
Mummy misses you every single day. I don't think it'll get easier. It's something I will live with for the rest of my life.
I've never thought about killing myself many times in my life like I did this past year. All I wanted was to be with you, hold you, kiss you and tell you how much I love you. I was so depressed. The pain of losing you literally killed me.
After having tattoos which have meanings, some things have changed. I feel closer to you. I feel stronger as a person. It's a reminder for me to really appreciate the life I have here. It's a way to show the world you existed and you are my baby.
I still don't know if I bake cupcakes on the day you turn one. I know you're with Jesus and he is holding you. I'm sure he knows how much mummy loves you.
All I wanted in life was to have you as my baby and see you grow.
Hana Rose, I love you so much.
I found this blog today and I can relate to what she says.